Friday, April 11, 2008

tonight's starting line up

good evening ladies and gentle men, tonight's starting line up is:

batting first through 9th: Daryl Strawberry


pitching: go fuck yourself
1st base: go fuck yourself
2nd base: go fuck yourself
3rd base:go fuck yourself
shortstop: go fuck yourself
left field: the golden bear (...the golden bear)
center field: ttb
right field: Daryl Strawberry



and to sing the national anthem: Daryl Strawberry

play ball!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Daryl's back, temporarily

Daryl's been on a 12 day bender, *sniff* that's why you haven't seen Daryl. Daryl's still better than you, Daryl's still more cracked out than you *sniff* and Daryl has still hit more homers than you


Daryl is also formally making public Daryl's intention in enervating the race for the whitehouse *sniff*

you can show your support for Daryl and Daryl's campaign run by donating money to the "Daryl for president" fund

praise for Daryl's campaign:

policy on foreign issues:

find me an mlb/government team willing to take a chance on a washed up 40 year old cokehead and ill show you talent

Daryl will still charge 19.95 to any foreign country he signs a treaty with, because it's still an autograph

stance on his future presidency:

Daryl Strawberry is officially "ahead of his time"

quotes:

"if Daryl strawberry we're a baseball player, he's be the Daryl Strawberry of politics"- Dennis Cusinich

"daryl Strawberry is the only thing that can save this great nation"-Daryl Strawberry

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

where credit is due

world... you're welcome

Monday, February 25, 2008

you want to talk about street cred?

On February 13, 1995, Strawberry was suspended for 75 days by Major League Baseball after testing positive for cocaine. He was released by the San Francisco Giants on the same day.

On January 2, 2000, Strawberry tested positive for cocaine. On March 15, shortly after the test result was announced, Major League Baseball announced that he would be suspended for one year. Six days later, he was in rehab.

On October 25, 2000, Strawberry left a Tampa drug treatment center to use drugs with a female friend violating his house arrest and parole. On November 9, he was sentenced to 40 days in jail with credit for time served. [7]

On April 2, 2001, Strawberry was arrested for again disappearing from his house arrest drug treatment center in Tampa. On May 1, he was sentenced to more time at a drug treatment center.

On March 12, 2002, Strawberry was back in jail for violating several non-drug rules at the drug treatment center where he was on probation in Ocala, Florida. On April 29, he was ordered to serve the 22-month suspended prison sentence from 1999.

On September 11, 2000, in Tampa, Strawberry tried to drive to see his probation officer after taking painkillers. While driving, he blacked out, rear-ended another car, and then tried to drive away. An off-duty police officer witnessed the episode and arrested him at gunpoint. The next day, Strawberry admitted to the charges and his probation was changed to two years of house arrest. On November 21, he was sentenced to a year of probation and community service.

march 1962-present day, Daryl bats 1.000

Daryl's not comming to practice today

Daryl's not coming to practice today, or tomorrow, or any day. Daryl doesn't give a shit about spelling, grammar, or the first person tense. the only word ever to be capitalized in Daryl's blog, is Daryl. here are some frequently asked question Daryl wont answer again

who's the best right fielder ever? Daryl
what is Daryl's favorite performance enhancing drug? cocaine
what is Daryl's pronoun? Daryl
who would win in a fight between Daryl and the entire infield roster of the 1987 dodgers? Daryl

the rest is just details*

if you have questions for Daryl you can suck it
but Daryl will happily give autographs anytime you see Daryl for 19.95 (must provide own picture and Daryl must approve, not applicable in all 50 states)


DARYL



*Daryl Strawberry officially recognizes the golden bear, ttb, and the industry, which Daryl may have worked for but still owns, as minor details