Wednesday, September 17, 2008

a call to arms, and fists

Daryl Strawberry is challenging ryan manning to

a. home run derby
b. a cocaine-off
c. a fight

you pick

Monday, June 30, 2008

going, going, going, almost here!

we're entering the top of the second.

Daryl-7 hits, 23 chapters-10 pages-1 pulitzer

now hitting: Daryl Strawberry
on deck: Daryl Strawberry

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

excerpt from The Greatest Right Fielder of ALL Time

...Daryl’s early years, the elementary school years were like any other american child coming of age in the cold war. baseball was life. Daryl’s first home run was at age 10 when D nailed a 450 foot drive to take out mr. zwiker’s windshield in the parking lot of the denny’s that neighbored the park. Daryl was forced to pay for the windshield, but being ten, money was scarce, this is when D’s life changed forever. a local boy named paul diapolnataski, being several years older than Daryl, suggested that Daryl could move some product for him. Daryl didn’t understand at first, but learned fast. Daryl had stumbled upon Quaaludes. Daryl said they took the edge off. D’s reputation had spread to the neighboring towns, also asked not to be named, and the boy who couldn’t miss couldn’t get a moment to himself. everyone wanted a piece of Daryl. Daryl quickly figured out Quaaludes were great for playing Right Field, but would hurt his batting. this is when D found Riddilin. Daryl would blow two Quaaludes before taking the field, then three Riddilin before batting to counter act the Quaaludes, then next inning, two more Quaaludes for Right Fielding. Daryl was taking 45 pills a game, Daryl was 13. by the time Daryl was in sixth grade D had reached his final height of 6 foot 6. no one will ever know what kind of effect the drugs had.

...’s tough finding people to give anecdotes about Daryl, everyone knew him, but no one actually got to know Mr. 1000, they loved his bat, his glove, the idea of 1000, no one knew Daryl, not because they didn’t want to, it just never crossed their minds. who ever thinks to ask their hero how his day was, or what his dreams are. every one assumed Daryl’s dreams were what they dreamed for him. but this was small town living, they needed that, Daryl couldn’t have taken it from them if D wanted to. maybe everyone just though someone else really knew him, what ever it was, it was the loneliest time of Daryl’s life. to combat this at age 17 Daryl married his high school sweet heart debra doberona. 6 domestic disputes, hundreds of beers, 57 home-runs, and six months later it was over, as fast as it began. Daryl’s first of many depression-ignited binges started. ten hours later the dog was dead, the coffee table burned in the back yard, and Daryl lay in a pool of bodily fluids no one dares guessed the exact make-up of. Daryl’s eye’s open, it’s time for practice.

title change

the title is now "the Greatest Right Fielder of ALL Time: divorce, rehab, and home-runs; the Daryl Strawberry story"

the opening party date will be announced

Monday, June 2, 2008

It's time to make some money

if there is one thing Daryl Stawberry loves, it's money. Daryl would like to take this opportunity to make an announcement:

Daryl Stawberry's autobiography, "divorce, rehab, and home-runs: the Daryl Strawberry story" will be coming out before the end of 2008. pre-order your copies now!

Monday, April 14, 2008

victory is something that is on sale and more expensive than most people can afford, but not all

this was the month we suspected pharmacists had infiltrated north america, and set up underground shops like gophers. at any minute someone could replace your right fielder with someone who looked like your right fielder, but could run faster, hit over 300, and bat in 100 rbi's a year. it was a new error for fear. it talked to us with the vernacular. it could talk about more stolen bases, crowding the plate, a smaller strike zone. then rise up and cut your career off with a wild pitch.

pitchers started to see it was a different era, their fast balls weren't so fast, so they tried to cherish the smaller things, like the curve ball, the slider, the sinker. but all that happened was they threw fewer change ups, and their era's climbed. sometimes when curled up in their beds under a blanket they'd peer out and squint at their lives, short green manicured furry dusty, chalky- and squinting back! they all just wanted names, like sy young.

life they learned, was not easy, not cake. not fair cake.

the batting average was up, though, and crime did not yet exist. the commissioner brought out graphs on tv, pointed at them. he reminded the people that he was not an evil man, that he, of course, come on now—he just wanted everyone to be happy! In bed, he contemplated the abolition of both anger and unhappiness, the outlawing of them. new happiness, old happiness, one had to go. could he do that? did he have the resources? why hadn't he thought of this before? it was an election year, and the future was very uncertain. Leaders all over the globe began to go on tv with graphs, pie charts, and precariously long series of rhetorical questions.


this was the same month Daryl started experimenting with "baseball-caffeine".

Friday, April 11, 2008

tonight's starting line up

good evening ladies and gentle men, tonight's starting line up is:

batting first through 9th: Daryl Strawberry

pitching: go fuck yourself
1st base: go fuck yourself
2nd base: go fuck yourself
3rd base:go fuck yourself
shortstop: go fuck yourself
left field: the golden bear (...the golden bear)
center field: ttb
right field: Daryl Strawberry

and to sing the national anthem: Daryl Strawberry

play ball!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Daryl's back, temporarily

Daryl's been on a 12 day bender, *sniff* that's why you haven't seen Daryl. Daryl's still better than you, Daryl's still more cracked out than you *sniff* and Daryl has still hit more homers than you

Daryl is also formally making public Daryl's intention in enervating the race for the whitehouse *sniff*

you can show your support for Daryl and Daryl's campaign run by donating money to the "Daryl for president" fund

praise for Daryl's campaign:

policy on foreign issues:

find me an mlb/government team willing to take a chance on a washed up 40 year old cokehead and ill show you talent

Daryl will still charge 19.95 to any foreign country he signs a treaty with, because it's still an autograph

stance on his future presidency:

Daryl Strawberry is officially "ahead of his time"


"if Daryl strawberry we're a baseball player, he's be the Daryl Strawberry of politics"- Dennis Cusinich

"daryl Strawberry is the only thing that can save this great nation"-Daryl Strawberry

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

where credit is due

world... you're welcome

Monday, February 25, 2008

you want to talk about street cred?

On February 13, 1995, Strawberry was suspended for 75 days by Major League Baseball after testing positive for cocaine. He was released by the San Francisco Giants on the same day.

On January 2, 2000, Strawberry tested positive for cocaine. On March 15, shortly after the test result was announced, Major League Baseball announced that he would be suspended for one year. Six days later, he was in rehab.

On October 25, 2000, Strawberry left a Tampa drug treatment center to use drugs with a female friend violating his house arrest and parole. On November 9, he was sentenced to 40 days in jail with credit for time served. [7]

On April 2, 2001, Strawberry was arrested for again disappearing from his house arrest drug treatment center in Tampa. On May 1, he was sentenced to more time at a drug treatment center.

On March 12, 2002, Strawberry was back in jail for violating several non-drug rules at the drug treatment center where he was on probation in Ocala, Florida. On April 29, he was ordered to serve the 22-month suspended prison sentence from 1999.

On September 11, 2000, in Tampa, Strawberry tried to drive to see his probation officer after taking painkillers. While driving, he blacked out, rear-ended another car, and then tried to drive away. An off-duty police officer witnessed the episode and arrested him at gunpoint. The next day, Strawberry admitted to the charges and his probation was changed to two years of house arrest. On November 21, he was sentenced to a year of probation and community service.

march 1962-present day, Daryl bats 1.000

Daryl's not comming to practice today

Daryl's not coming to practice today, or tomorrow, or any day. Daryl doesn't give a shit about spelling, grammar, or the first person tense. the only word ever to be capitalized in Daryl's blog, is Daryl. here are some frequently asked question Daryl wont answer again

who's the best right fielder ever? Daryl
what is Daryl's favorite performance enhancing drug? cocaine
what is Daryl's pronoun? Daryl
who would win in a fight between Daryl and the entire infield roster of the 1987 dodgers? Daryl

the rest is just details*

if you have questions for Daryl you can suck it
but Daryl will happily give autographs anytime you see Daryl for 19.95 (must provide own picture and Daryl must approve, not applicable in all 50 states)


*Daryl Strawberry officially recognizes the golden bear, ttb, and the industry, which Daryl may have worked for but still owns, as minor details